Over the past year, I've grown so much as a wife, step mother, daughter and more recently, a mother to my beautiful baby boy Clovis. I never imagined how much I could love this little guy and have a new found appreciation for mothers and parents. No one tells you how hard it is right after birth and beyond. Often people focus on the cuteness of all the clothes, baby gear and so on and not the process itself.
I've always been a process person and believe that there's beauty in it, through every moment despite how difficult it could be. My labor and delivery was difficult.
My water broke without me really knowing and before you know it, Thibault and I ate a huge bowl of spaghetti and meatballs during lunch on a Monday and was in the hospital for the next 9 days. The baby was arriving 3.5 weeks early and I didn't even finish prepping the baby room. I had this artistic vision of making the room 'Le Petite Prince', equipped with stars and murals from lessons in the magical story.
I didn't expect it to be so exhausting and ended up having severe preeclampsia which apparently could be a fatal condition. I was completely healthy going into the delivery the first week of May and tried my hardest with our amazing doula Myriam to have a natural birth. After a slew of nurses and doctors hooking me up to monitors, checking my blood pressure, delivering all sorts of recommendations, debating on the best decisions and countless medications for antibiotics and high blood pressure, I learned a lot of things about my birthing experience and having a baby.
When things don't go your way, be OK with the next best solution
After going into the hospital early, being only 4cm dilated after 48 hours, being pricked over 20 times by nurses to collect bloodwork to monitor my high blood pressure, having doctor's tell me I'm almost ready for a natural birth then saying my kidney's were failing and I needed to have a c-section, I realized, the only thing that mattered was baby Clovis.
At times Myriam, Thibault and I would huddle like a timeout during clutch moments of a basketball game and talked about the best scenarios given my condition. Myriam would talk to Thibault in French, something I prepared since I wanted Thibault to be comfortable conversing in his native tongue during the entire process (I hired Myriam for her expertise and her ability to speak French). Then Thibault would then talk me through the decision. Myriam would stand by and give us the relevant information for us to make the final decision.
It was great team work and the best decision I made to have Myriam by our side.
I call this 'Love in Translation' something I'll talk more about later.
Have joy and gratitude for having a healthy and happy baby.
I remember being so dazed during my delivery and the hour before I went into the C-section. I was exhausted, sick, swollen, hadn't eaten for 48 hours and the little plastic circle vomit bag was my new best friend. The moment I was in the operating room, it was a familiar one - after all, I had had three knee surgeries in the past. I remember the anesthesiologist and doctor wanting to put Clovis on my body for skin to skin contact but I honestly couldn't handle it and remember shaking my head rigorously 'no!'. Before you know it, I heard the beautiful sound of my baby crying and looked over as Thibault was holding him and smiling. He had taken photos, cut the a biblical cord and made sure the little guy was welcomed into this wondrous world.
As I was wheeled to the recovery room, I remember the doctors placing Clovis by my side with his eyes wide open and looking all around in wonder. I was filled with joy.
He came on May 5, 2016 at 2:41am at 4lbs 3.7 oz preterm. He came out strong and didn't need to go into neonatal intensive care. Not yet that is.
Accept help and thankful for those around you
That means get help, have your friends, family and even strangers (if you're comfortable) support and guide you along the journey of parenthood. A lot of people said people give you so much unsolicited advice and for me, to a certain extent, it was great to hear all the stories and how other people approached their birthing experience. Thibault and I had a deep knowing that the best thing for us was to enjoy the moment and not get bogged down by all the books, research and what other's insisted were the right way to bring a little one into the world.
Friends, family, coworkers, neighbors were all generous and I never knew so many people could be so supportive. I keep telling Clovis, he's a lucky boy :)
The most helpful points were friends and family making food for us while we were adjusting to having a preterm baby AND raising a 13 year old teenager all in the same house. I never thought enchiladas, tabbouleh, casseroles and green tea lattes could taste so good.
Be proud and don't forget about self care
Giving birth takes strength I never knew I had.
All women possess this strength and it blows my mind how enriching the whole giving birth thing can be. It's so easy to be focused on the baby and forget about yourself. My perspective is, the more you take care of yourself, the better you can contribute and care for others, the world. I wanted to make sure I was nourished, stretched, got massages, do the things I enjoyed (painting and cooking) and got enough rest to give it my all. It's a hard thing, but in the grand scheme of things, it makes life enjoyable and full of richness. I'm excited and feel so blessed.
Clovis brings me inspiration and this journey we have has only begun....